I really hope I can make round 3 and 4

Well

The battle has begun.

I was cocky and confident after round 1.

Round 2 has brought me to my KNEES.

Nausea day 1..check

The ABSOLUTE CRUSHING FATIGUE DAYS 2 AND 3

PRESENT!

Day 4, I am just being able to swim out of what I can only compare to aesthetic induced fatigue post-surgery but for 48 hours.

I could not speak, form  a comprehensive sentence or thought. Just sleep, wake up, munch something, back to sleep. The plat au jour was burned bread. The thought of anything else would send me spiralling..into sleep.

I have been awake now for the longest I've ever been in the last 2 days....3 hours.

Let's see how long this stretch can go

I can now see why ppl fear rounds 3 and 4.

Because 2 knocks the sails out of them.

How can this get worse???

this udenyca ghetto shit

Every time I leave the infusion centre.  I leave with an $8000 souvenir. 

This box attached to my arm or stomach injects some crap that builds my white blood cells up.

Now..I don't mind the medication.. but the administration!!

OMG. It's a timed injection...and when it's ready, it's like a rubber band sting...from far.

And then you can feel the needle going in and out your arm sometimes like a sewing machine.

Ghetto!!!

It administers from about 5 minutes and then POW..another sting as it retracts and the green light goes from blinking to a solid light

Awful!! One of the worst parts of chemo! 

2 more rounds of THIS SHIT BOY???

AC # 2 come and gone

And trust..

WHILE sitting in the chair,  I knew the side effects would be a supreme shit show.

Why? A tingling in my stomach. Despite sucking down 3.5L of water between 6am and 3pm...and peeing every 15 to 20 minutes..it was a scene.

The stomach. Felt like..irritation..and I knew..nausea gonna be on 1000!

And trust, I just had enough time to receive my ghetto box for the WBC shot.

Call Paxman (more about that in a bit)

And Caribbean Airlines to change my flight to June 

And I was DOWN..MAN DOWN. Ginger tea, the 2 nausea pills, something called cardiotoxicity which I think I have. So sitting upright on the sofa, with what I think are now night sweats (lol)  battling a ROILING stomach and scared to move except to pee.

Then ofc ..at midnight when I finally woke from my 6 pm resting place...Google. cuz I'm like what shit is this. The nausea pills are only preventing me from vomiting but the stomach is still BURNING and roiling..what is going on. Talk to Dwayne (we back on the mend yay!), and I spend some time on Google trying to figure out WHAT I'm feeling and what are remedies.

Google to the rescue and a few clicks later...a semi answer (besides eating plain foods), pepcid AC. The burn is a form of acid reflix? Maybe ? At this point I'm willing to try ANYTHING. 

One chewable later and one 5.5 hour pass out later with more night sweats.

I wake up...do my check in. Stomach? 75% (compared to 10% last night)

Nausea? 5%

Headache- 15% (but I'm used to this with these pills and chemo)

I dared go for a quick shower, coconut oil down, shea and castor oil down my body and I'm back on the sofa..semi laying down with no inhalation issues (cardiotoxicity)

So! Pepcid gets added to the line up BEFORE and after chemo just like claritin

But 2 more of these boy?  On the bright side..I'm halfway there..but this? Absolute bullshit lol

Ok on to paxman and their bullshit 

I get my hair done, angela and I think we figure out the code between the balance of water vs conditioner in the hair and we are all locked in. 

Head..frozen AF.

Make a bathroom trip and BOOM..apparently the clip fails, coolant spilling everywhere, nurse Latoya is plugging the coolant in my cap with her THUMB like mc guyver bullshit. 

They bring in a spare machine thinking at first that it's the machine

Nay nay..its my BRAND NEW PAXMAN BRANDED CAP 

So while it's chaos going on around me.

I call Paxman

This bish on the phone.. not a sorry, not an omg..

She buss the spiel "well you know you rent the machine "

Mam...I asked her. Did I make this cap myself? Who sent me this cap?whose branding is on this cap and is hence responsible for QA?is the machine compatible with other caps? So escalate this because I want compensation because how can you now guarantee the service with my head cooling down rapidly, us having to SWITCH caps and start all over again 

CRAZY! 

ANYWAYS. New cap comes Tuesday.. Hq should also call me on Tuesday

And I hope by then I am BETTTERRRR

But yes..I'm laying down.. keeping my ass quiet.

For the most, I'll prob do some vibration plate for 10 minutes. 

DASSIT

day before AC chemo #2

Well it's Thursday...day before AC #2 

This means

Eye drops in

Water intake up

Protein intake up

Skin MOISTURISED

Mouth wash activated 

Saw my oncologist today and we discussed the possibility of doing 4 Doss Dense taxol over 2 months vs 12 weekly over 12 weeks. That would allow me to finish chemo by end of Nov and potentially have surgery end of December 

Also I can go to Ms Janet worry free 😀

Anyways. No new news. No metastases,  we still funky about these lymphs in my right side but the chemo BETTER deal with that bish.

I like following tammy on fb to see her journey.  Its nice having company but also a preview of the shitshow I'm in for 

Unfortunately no testosterone for me ..womp womp..but this is my life now.

Pills for 10 years 

WOW 

Any AC chemo #2.

Let's get it on.

day 11 post AC - the shed begins

Well..I knew it was coming.

I've read about it countless times and knew that it was ticking down.

Today I've had a burning sensation in 1 area of my scalp.. consistent tingling..which might be the clarion call of dying hair follicles on my head.

What was most surprising and should not have been was rhe shed of the pubic hair whilst  i was showering just now.

I had a hint that this was coming tho 

Why? My period has come , reminiscent of my 12 year old self and in getting ready for the shower before bed, there it was hairs...on the pad. Gross..yack.

But the snowfall in the shower still surprised me. Like wow..this is really happening.

I'm going to lose my hair.

Cold capping is delaying the inevitable. But the shed from the pubes have begun..I guess I have to look to my pits next.

I'm mentally preparing to buzz my hair tho. Cut my locks. Bless them and put them away in a zip lock bag. And keep one foot stepping in front the next 

Every single cell inside my body

Every single cell is happy and well.

Next DD AC is this Friday. Oh joy. As I told Angela,  the feeling these sessions give me are reminiscent of going to chemistry lessons on a Saturday. I know it's good for me, but it doesn't mean I won't dread toiling away for 4 hours and then doing homework to mitigate the side effects for 5 days.

Sigh.

But still we press on.

I'm tired

Of crying every day

I'm tired of crying every day

I am tired, of crying every day 😢

Every single cell inside my body...

oooh we full of side effects this weekend

I am in tears

And not my emotional piscean tears

No..I'm in abject pain.

Since 7am this morning I've had steadily increasing bone pain in both of my hips spanning across my back.

It is now 10pm

All day. Unrelenting, consistent, depressive hip pain. I'm hobbling, trying not to walk other than go to the bathroom. I'd LOVE to take a shower now before I go to bed.

But the pain. This is obscene.

I've drank ginger tea. Chewed on grated ginger and have taken a claritin. I hope I can get some ease at some point.

Every single cell inside my body

Every single cell is happy and well.