Nov 1..we roll back the clocks and we still have one more

ONE MORE IS THE CRY!!

I still cant get used to this rollback clock nonsense..why make life hard? Steups

Anyways..this was the first weekend by myself after dd Taxol and you know what..

Outside the fatigue it was not bad at all!

Things that happened differently

I went in for the injection on Friday vs the damn box

I drank a shit load of tart cherry juice the night before AND took tylenol/advil combo right before going to bed

Before the shot at 2pm I took TWO claritin.

The result? The usual tear jerking bone pain? Nooot really présent...and that my friends..is a damned win.

Every single cell inside my body.

Every single cell is happy and well.

praise Jesus - ONE MORE

The tunnel of chemo fuckery...the end...its almost there 

I am convinced that we should give prisoners ONE round of AC chemo instead of the usual punishment. CRIME MUST DONE!

Anyways.. yesterday for my second to last..a small shit show.

I was scheduled to start at 12pm for what is known as a SEVEN HOUR INFUSION. So yes, I left the infusion centre at 7.15pm! CRAZY! Manny, Tanya stayed behind.

Who did NOT stay behind? My chemo nurse for the day ANDREAN who i DO NOT LIKE. I literally switched from Friday infusions to Thursdays to avoid her ass...so imagine my surprise seeing her pull up yesterday...

This woman has brought her Jamaican style public sector level of care to Baptist and its NAWT appreciated. I had to tell manny, yo Nov 12 is my LAST chemo..

I doh want sheeee!!

Anyways..shit show again with the cool cap.

Shit wasn't getting FREEZING!!! Took an HOUR for them to switch me out cuz all machines were taken. I mean the cap was cold but not FREEZING COLD! God knows WHAT is going to happen. But of course I called paxman immediately demanding a replacement AND a refund.

This is now the SECOND CAP FAILURE!! WTF!

Anyways. In good news. I DID NOT COME HOME WITH THE UDENYCA BOX! im going for a physical shot later today, hydration on Monday and hopefully a good week with minimal hair loss (cuz trust my edges have been SUFFERING lately) over the next two weeks. Imagine to come this far and have a cap failure!!! Im already Pissed!!! I just hope my very slow growth hair can weather the storm and im doing my suzy pad cold cap at home too to try to keep my follicles cool.

Dr Carcas, annoyed me about my theory about the taxol affecting my clit (peripheral neuropathy...Google it) but I put icepack on my pixie anyway.. no coffin clit, no perished pussy around here!

Anyways..

The end of ONE part of this journey is over. I thank GOD so much. 

The steering to keep my circle small, to let them know AYE..i dont have tbe bandwidth to manage your emotions..its either you be useful, silently supportive or nothing at all. I already dealing with so many appointments ,scsns, chemo, research...I eh need the "how you feeling" text every day..shit man.

And its a learning opportunity for me when I come across persons with chronic illness which can be deadly. Send a gift basket, send some cash..but the WYD ? HYD? ANNOYING AS FACK!

and i can actually confidently say that I think after chemo #3 of taxol, the squatter has left my body. Not dormant, not hiding,  not sleeping. She got the memo and realised that this is a HOSTILE AF environment and yeeted herself. Not to be seen ever again so my life span can be a healthy 79 to 82.

EVERY SINGLE CELL INSIDE MY BODY!!

 Apicture of the loaner cap + the keep me company over 7 hours riding party from Bim 😀 

2 MORE

Two more blasted chemos

Lord please cover me over these next two infusions and please let them be my last.

FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER

LET ME PASS HAPPILY IN OLD AGE with a fete as a funeral

TWO FREAKING MORE

TWO MORE TIMES TO FREEZE MYSELF (my hair, my toes, my fingers and now my CEWCHIE!!)

TWO MORE TIMES TO HAVE 3 DAYS OF FATIGUE AND BONE PAIN

TWO MORE TIMES AND I CAN KEEP IT MOVING WITH EVERY SINGLE CELL IN MY BODY BEING HAPPY AND WELL!

surgery date confirmed

Bye bye bitties

December 23rd it is!

what it looks like

I've been sorta kinda getting the hang of the side effects..particularly the chemo constipation. 

Red beets, green apples and green kiwi will move MOUNTAINS.

But the black nails..UGH..its gross. It's more on my fingernails.. not my toes but im guessing ill have to endure these for another 6 months until it grows or falls out...aich!

of life and living

2 more of this dreaded taxol to go 

I see the finish line just there...juuuust there

But my brain also reminds me of the huge challenges that come with an infusion.. and I gotta do that twice.

However scans are moving in the right direction,  i rebounded a bit faster after 2nd taxol yet I am terrified of neuropathy 

I go to sleep each night like a proper tanty. Hair covered, nightgown on, and compression socks AND gloves on. Maintaining quality of life has been an absolute TRIP so far.

I am reminded now too that ...I cant plan too far ahead. Jamila was talking about grenada Carnival past night..and in my mind I was thinking about revision surgery, scans and medication

What a trip to have perfect health and then suddenly not, because 1 damned cell decided NOT to die/turn off 

But again I aint doing this again, let my demise be from an errant black bird, or a broken hip at 82. Cancer? Hell no. I've done the hardest hard thing, my mind and my body has suffered through this unspoken challenge and trust i do not remain unscathed.

Life is for living

Do I do it gently? Or rage against the storm

Let's see how i process once I'm out the other side

a whole new world