Port goes in tomorrow and why is it so hard to transfer care!

Let's get ready to rumble

Pfft yeah right.. I'm still vastly annoyed and terrified that this is happening to me

Anyways. Went to see Dr Allen today..Port goes in tomorrow.. imagine I didn't even know that a chemo Port required surgery. I just thought it was something they stuck on your chest! Ha! My ignorance runs DEEP!

Hospital also called. Gotta be there at 8am at the Main Hospital Entrance. Westside Hospital. This Port will be my lifeline for chemo and I'll be HAPPY when I take the bish out. Alas, let's get it done.

In other news, I'm trying to do cool cap therapy to save my hair ...my 20 years of LOCS! and I would like to transfer my care to Baptist Health.

Why the fuck oh why does it feel like a bunch of gargoyle guarding the castle for me to get a BASIC CONSULT with the oncologist! OMG! I'm literally on hold for 20 minutes trying to make a consultation appointment! WTF IS THIS!!!

Oh they may want you to do the lymph node biopsy first so you want me to add another week or two of waiting while this shit is in my tit. Like come on!!! 

This is FRUSTRATING to the point where imma be like..uncle buzz my hair cuz this is some bullshit. Ppl with life threatening disease should not be having to navigate complex hospital systems! This is BULLSHIT!

WOOSAH..and breathe. Anyways let me get to Kohls to return this amazon order.

and we're off!

I'm arduous celebrating some of my last weekens before chemo begins on Auguat 20th. 

This weekend I went to Cheryl's 60th birthday party , great gatsby style. Michelle, Rose, Dee, Dana all there and looking fine.

Sunday was a day of rest and slowly preparing.. kara and Michelle's friend has told me I need to start journaling this period by hand..I'll get there..but nothing stops the old trusty blogger app!

Preparing suzzi mits, suzzi helmet, mirena removal. What is scaring me the most is that I have been through mental hardship before. But never have I paired that with the physical hardship of what chemo and repeated rounds of surgery sounds like.

All this paired with H1B renewal woes during this strange administration AND fundraising.

Chemo brain, fatigue, all of these things have me SCARED.

This is why I cry. How long will I have to be mentally strong in the face of torture.

I am so grateful for my A team.

Dwayne

Allan

Angela

Steady and strong presence like a heart beat.

I don't know what good things I've done to have these people in my life. But thank GOD.

Especially I thank God for Dwayne..never would I have thought I'd meet such a caring individual who in such a short time has taken on responsibility for my care and well-being

Still I cry

Still..one foot in front the next.

the first hug

Vanessa Cestina Nurse Practitoner at the CVS pharmacy. Where it all started back in March 2026. 

Went today to get a prescription for the flu I'm fighting. 

Was delighted to see her but at the same time, my emotions crumpled as soon as I saw her.

The first hug since my diagnosis...

Vanessa Cestino NP

I bawled. She embraced and rubbed my back the way I wish I had someone doing since July 23.

I dont necessarily feel better but boy do I feel loved 

Kara

Afiya

Vanessa

Dwayne

I remember their names and the way they made me FEEL. Extraordinarily LOVED.

In turn, Vanessa had her own news. Soul crushing.  Sad. And we shared a 2nd hug. The first for me. The second for her.

a new and terrifying chapter. breast cancer

Set the scene.

Post Carnival 2026.still in euphoria, still tired but happy.

I now live in Fort lauderdale but take some extra time at home to deal with a landslide behind my house. 41st birthday comes and goes. Return to fll march 8th.

Cue the drama. Back strain on March 7 took me out for 10 weeks.

While on bed rest, I lose 10 lbs in 4 weeks after drinking some wonder of the world to manage my cholesterol 

Then..end of March..in the shower minding my business..a HUGE LUMP in my right boob

Me? Meh..its my period..let me wait till its over 

April..lump still there.. ok.lets go for my first ever Mammogram and Ultrasound.

Later in the week.. birads 5. 97% chance its cancer

Cue panic, doubt and disbelief. I have 0 family history..WTF is this.

A bout of work travel is lined up in April

June 19 - U/S guided needle biopsy

June 23 -results benign fibroadenoma 

Hooray! Fabulous! Celebrate good times!

Guadeloupe  July 4 to 7

Excision July 13

2nd path comes back..no no no my friend

DCIS, IDC grade 3. Aggressive

WTF!

Life as you know it stop at that point. You now enter a separate world of learning about chemo and the effects, buildings you never new existed which housed oncologist offices and MRI machines

Plastic surgeon consults, Breast surgeon consults, onco consults. 

All while trying to WORK, keep a good face, be positive, be there for friends and family and ofc keep the circle small. 

Cry cry cry. Panic. Calm. A rotation

Research. Cry cry. Panic Calm

Appointment..cry cry. Panic. Calm

Just had my first MRI on July 30th. This is the determining factor. Keeping positive that the treatment plan loosely sketched out is still valid. But understanding things can change on a dime..just like how a benign fibroadenoma can become grade 3 BC , ER/PR+, HER2- that will crash me into medical menopause

 Sigh

Cry cry cry.

For right now. The loose plan is

DMX , reconstruction, 4 months of chemo. 4 years of Hormone suppressants 

A new life in the blink of a lump

wow how has time passed

It's been more than a year since I've contributed to this blog.

Hopefully when I retire I can look back on this compendium in fondness.

In Nov 22, I embarked on an adventure..to the UAE! Took up a job at a place I considered my DREAM job...and was SORELY disappointed, underwhelmed and confused. Alas...the grass is always greener.

Notwithstanding my time in Abu Dhabi has been nothing short of amazing. Comfortable, convenient, safe and actually a bit boring (where the bacchanal!!). My home in Waters Edge. Yas Island sat me in the lap of comfort and was my launch pad to about 5 trips just this year!

Besides home for carnival in Feb, Barbados in May, Cyprus in June, Fiji in October, Tanzania (Serengeti and Zanzibar) in November and now..I return home to take up a new post.

Because although life here is GREAT. Its great for 5 months out of the year. Otherwise..you are trapped indoors. From about April 20 to mid October this year..it was...HOT!  And besides tbe temperature the work..is just...sorely disappointing.

I've made some connections that I hope can weather the distance...I'm glad I came..if not only to know that I shouldn't keep the torch burning in my heart for this agency. It is well and firmly extinguished.  I know what it is (what it is not) and what to expect. 

The money was good ..but its time to be useful again..vs a pampered showgirl. So now I embark on a crazy set of cleaning. Closing my tasleem, addc, du, move out with Provis and all the like.

Abu dhabi 2022 to 2023...it was eye opening. Will I be back? Maybe...who knows what the future holds 😀 

I sure don't.

I've been delinquent!

It's been a year and I must admit my delinquency in posting ..but I guess betterment than never 

So quick update.

Nov 2022 - I moved to Abu Dhabi!

April 2023, I  went to cairo egypt and hated 90%of it.

May 2023 ...WHY is it 41 degrees Celsius? What sorcery and torture is this! Every time I go outside I get an instant headache...clearly its just too warm!

June - I have Barbados and CYPRUS! in my eye sight..I hope I enjoy Cyprus 😀

forever in my heart Bermuda - 2022

It's been about 3 years since I've last come to Bermuda and it's still as gorgeous. Manicured streets and lands,  clean and gorgeous homes,  I keep saying I need to find a way to get a well paying job here  .. because!! Just gorgeous.  But stress on the well paying... box of chicken and chips is 100TT! A lady selling juice at the side of the road selling SMALL juice bottles for 10US! Oh lord!!

This rounds in doing it a bit differently and spent money on .... transportation.  Because the twizy is not exactly a car.  But the independence of being able to go as we please and discover new areas is great.  

Just through charger hunting today we ended up walking to the fish filled church bay for a fab snorkel in the chilly waters. 

Yesterday we were at Fort Hamilton in town. . Mind you it was for a fete but we killed 2 birds with 1 stone and got some touring in!