2 MORE

Two more blasted chemos

Lord please cover me over these next two infusions and please let them be my last.

FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER

LET ME PASS HAPPILY IN OLD AGE with a fete as a funeral

TWO FREAKING MORE

TWO MORE TIMES TO FREEZE MYSELF (my hair, my toes, my fingers and now my CEWCHIE!!)

TWO MORE TIMES TO HAVE 3 DAYS OF FATIGUE AND BONE PAIN

TWO MORE TIMES AND I CAN KEEP IT MOVING WITH EVERY SINGLE CELL IN MY BODY BEING HAPPY AND WELL!

surgery date confirmed

Bye bye bitties

December 23rd it is!

what it looks like

I've been sorta kinda getting the hang of the side effects..particularly the chemo constipation. 

Red beets, green apples and green kiwi will move MOUNTAINS.

But the black nails..UGH..its gross. It's more on my fingernails.. not my toes but im guessing ill have to endure these for another 6 months until it grows or falls out...aich!

of life and living

2 more of this dreaded taxol to go 

I see the finish line just there...juuuust there

But my brain also reminds me of the huge challenges that come with an infusion.. and I gotta do that twice.

However scans are moving in the right direction,  i rebounded a bit faster after 2nd taxol yet I am terrified of neuropathy 

I go to sleep each night like a proper tanty. Hair covered, nightgown on, and compression socks AND gloves on. Maintaining quality of life has been an absolute TRIP so far.

I am reminded now too that ...I cant plan too far ahead. Jamila was talking about grenada Carnival past night..and in my mind I was thinking about revision surgery, scans and medication

What a trip to have perfect health and then suddenly not, because 1 damned cell decided NOT to die/turn off 

But again I aint doing this again, let my demise be from an errant black bird, or a broken hip at 82. Cancer? Hell no. I've done the hardest hard thing, my mind and my body has suffered through this unspoken challenge and trust i do not remain unscathed.

Life is for living

Do I do it gently? Or rage against the storm

Let's see how i process once I'm out the other side

a whole new world

the village has arrived

Aaand there it is...

Jamila arrived on October 10th and will be here till the 30th. 

It's been a whirlwind of her catching up,  attending every single one of my appts with me and now it's infusion day 

She's admitted to being very nervous..its so much happening..the hair with paxman,  the hands, the feet the infusion. Just alot

But she's here..and im grateful 

in the blink of an eye

How does one go from this, to that. In the blink of an eye?

How does one live in 1 week spurts? 

Sound bath therapy 

Jamila arriving (Rihanna cousin)

Reiki with Kara

And then bam.

From rider to roughness