I'm tired

Of crying every day

I'm tired of crying every day

I am tired, of crying every day 😢

Every single cell inside my body...

oooh we full of side effects this weekend

I am in tears

And not my emotional piscean tears

No..I'm in abject pain.

Since 7am this morning I've had steadily increasing bone pain in both of my hips spanning across my back.

It is now 10pm

All day. Unrelenting, consistent, depressive hip pain. I'm hobbling, trying not to walk other than go to the bathroom. I'd LOVE to take a shower now before I go to bed.

But the pain. This is obscene.

I've drank ginger tea. Chewed on grated ginger and have taken a claritin. I hope I can get some ease at some point.

Every single cell inside my body

Every single cell is happy and well.

new side effect unlocked?

Cataloguing this 

For 2 hours now my chest has been tight and hurting.

It's a lot of pain

And I'm scared.

and now my cornerstone is missing...sigh

My bestie Dwayne is angry with me.

Correction. He's pissed.

Not sure if we will come back from this.

All for a decision I made that he did not like. The burden of this car may be such that the candle costing more than the funeral.

For me the decision was to avoid a repeat of the car being towed as it was last Sunday night. Once we recouped it on Monday after much error (mine mainly forgetting the keys and all that crap)he gave 4 sets of advice:

1. Put the car back in the handicap parking spot immediately.

2. Call the number on the yellow paper

3. Get evidence that the licence plate is exempt to ensure that it doesn't get towed again

4. Put the magnetic decal on to de-commercialise the vehicle so it doesn't get towed again (order was in but had to wait 2 says for it to arrive)

To avoid a repeat tow that same night, I wanted to get 2 and 3 done before doing 1. As I didn't want to be blamed for not following advice. 4 came through courtesy of Amazon 2 days later.

I fear this was a gauntlet I was never intended to pass. Especially as the condo office explicitly told me upon return ...park in the yellow spot.

So now I'm gripped by anxiety of having this tow happen again and the inconvenience and expense of it being a burden. 

So..i parked in the yellow spot, between two cars until 4 showed up as I couldn't get 2 and 3 done.

Wrong decision apparently.

Gauntlet failed and in retrospect, I would have failed all options as the margins were very narrow for success. I have to get 2 through 4 done immediately to be able to do 1. 3 is still outstanding and I refuse to have a repeat of what happened on Monday with getting this car out of the tow place in Hollywood.

However I have to box this one up with many of life's disappointments unfortunately.  

Because right now. 

I'm literally fighting for my life.

not teewww bad on the home front

So we are now on day 7 (if we count infusion day as day 1) from my first AC round, and things are not teewww bad on the home front.

I'm still constipated tho 😞 

But I have a few wins to celebrate. Did a session at the gym today! I took the weights right down (30lbs) and did reps of 25 to 30 to still feel the burn. Also did some leg work as well and also had a small work.

Do I feel completely like myself? Nope...because ..I'm constipated.

But do I feel much better? Hell yes.

Cataloguing my side effects, my tongue still feels weird but the tingling in the palms of my hands have resolved. I'm lotioning with coconut oil and my shea butter to keep the skin hydrated and ill prob attempt to retwist my hair on Friday once I give my hair another wet at the roots.

AC chemo is VERY dehydrating so I'm trying to take precautions. Liquid tears, spritzing my hair, cold capping, lotioning morning and nigjt and ofc trying to get in as much as 3L at least 3 days before and 4 days after the AC regimen.

It could be the reason why my only sickly issue has been nausea and ofc we discovered that my typical low sodium diet is the reason why it lasted this long 

So now we will tweak the method and include a salty bone broth maybe 2 or 3 days after infusion day.

Anyways, today I take out my mirena. I mean, they have shut down my ovaries, so the mirena is moot at this point and as this squatter is also minorly powered by progesterone (20%) and the mirena is a progesterone based IUD, I gotta yeet the damn thing.

I want to see if I can keep this guy on as my gyne...maybe get some micro dose testosterone and other micro dose stuff as approved by Dr Carcas (my oncologist).

Anyways..today is another day!

chemo constipation.

After FINALLY becoming regular in the bathroom after YEARS of cultivating a healthy diet, this damned chemo got me constipated.

It's been TWO DAYS!!! 

I'm drinking water, eating fruit, walking (but not a lot).

I'm going to try to see if I can take a hot girl walk with oatmeal and chia and flax seeds to loosen things up.

This can be life!

Oh..the nausea is more or less over. We found the trick for this time..

Salt. The body wanted salt. Sigh.

will I ever escape this nausea?

Ugh.

That's the post.

Yes I'm a little tired but I don't feel funky.

But these random 2 hour bouts of nausea are not sustainable