I am immensely worried.
In this economic climate, jobs are so hard to come by.
I've been applying and applying and applying and nothing !
Sigh
My fun in France is being marred by the worry that I return to nothing.
Hopefully things change :)
I can only stay positive .
God I need to be paid.
There's so much I want to see and experience, but unfortunately the bank balance is just not having any of it !
On the bucket list we have:
Amsterdam (again)
Berlin
Ibiza
Greece
Italy (Rome, Firenze, Tuscany)
If somehow I find some trips for €60 return, I'm there !
Oh la la !
Wow. I think a truck ran over my body.
Multiple times.
Seriously.
Besides experiencing this odd phenomenon of strapping your two feet to a plank of board and propelling your body down the side of the mountain, the FALLS that you experience in this activity are just short of EPIC.
Faceplant, ass plant, arm plant, fold up, twist body slide are all the types of falls that I did over a cumulative 6 hours of snowboarding.
Wow. Am I in pain now.
This experience was part of a bet that I won( thank god cause lord knows I wouldn't have been able to afford it otherwise), and now I am certain about two things.
Snowboarding and snow sports are for people with money.
Snowboarding is for the fearless. I.e. you have no fear of falling nor of looking like a complete idiot while sliding squat like, arms out down a mountain.
Did I mention the falling HURTS ! If you are lucky enough you may fall in the wonderful powder of fresh snow that displaces itself with the magical grace of baby powder.
If, however, you meet that stubborn ice. God help you. That ish ain't for old people nor the old at art.
The weekend is over and it seems like it happened in a whirlwind. Nimes to Lyon St Expury (with two stops in Valence TGV and Valence Ville), then on to meet my host who rented a car from Hertz. A Two hour drive and 30 minute pitstop in Carrefour later, and we are rushing towards the equipment rental place and my 2.5 hour torture ski session where I just managed to stand up on the board upright. :s
Thank god Mercure included dinner cuz at the end I would have eaten my host I was so amazingly hungry.
We also hit up Le Brézilien, a cool club/pub/bar with lots of drunk young people , snogging by the bar (what else is there to do when you're young , its cold and there's a copious amount of liquor around).
Day 2 wasn't much better with the first 1/2 of the day being a lesson in falling...ungracefully.
But ! By after lunch and a new sense of 'you gotta stick it to win it', I spent my last 1.5 hrs going up and down the magic carpet (really cool) to perfect my snowboard/crawl/bawl whatever you want to call it.
So on my last run. I feel twice.
What a record :)
Will I try it again once I get the opportunity?
Hell yes !
Hopefully, I'll be financially secure enough to perfect this little indulgence.
It's hard being a perfectionist!
Today, I had a long conversation with a school mate.
Marathon long.
Teenaged. Tie up the phone lines and no call waiting long.
5 hours.
However, it wasn't all giggles and 'ole talk' (as we trinis say). Somewhere, weaved into the fabric of our conversation, was some introspection into where we are and what we have achieved at age 28.
What we both agreed upon was that never in our wildest dreams we imagined we would end up where we are now.
Me in France as an English Language assistant, and she as an aerial artist; flying with ease through fire, up silk fabric and through hoops.
We realised that , although our intensely academic and strict background primed us and trained us to always make plans; whether it be 5, 10, 15 years, these plans can always, quite frankly, go to shit.
This is life. Life follows no Plan. She doesn't care about a dream that you had 10 years ago. She cares about moving forward. Only.
As such, we both came to the realisation at the same time that maybe we looked upon life with naive , hopeful eyes at the age of 18.
For me, I realised that at age 28, I've fulfilled the goals I set for myself at age 18. Never did I realise that over the years I should add and modify these goals. So one day, with masters and consultancy experience in hand, I realised I felt lost . Incomplete. Unfulfilled. Without a plan. Without direction.
If I am going to be honest with myself, at this moment , the plan that I made for myself and conscientiously followed over 10 years, is one that, frankly, I did not enjoy too much.
Very quickly I realised I didn't enjoy the rat race which was my initial exposure to consultancy. The bidding for projects, trying to get on project teams, overcoming prejudices, being black, being female, seen as untrustworthy, etc. Etc. Eventually, I saw no growth in myself or my professional ability.
Lost and stagnant. That's how I felt.
For 2 years too many.
Break to 2 years later, and I'm in France, doing the most basic activity that has absolutely nothing to do with my academic training. Pleasantly so.
Listening to young french teens butcher the English language and hope that my input and influence allows them to butcher it less...horrendously.
It is mind numbingly boring. Period. But , through this wave of boredom, of course is self inspection. Too much time alone with oneself can only allow for testing, prodding and examination. Sometimes you like what you find. Sometimes you realise that you've been an idiot for too long. Sometimes you find nothing. Thankfully, the final option did not apply to me.
So what did I learn about myself ? I'll put it simply. As goals, plans, endeavoirs are founded from a simple wish, a simple interest. Born from a simple need to belong and contribute in whatever way to society.
1. I like teaching. Specifically, I love when students find that 'Eureka' moment and you can see it in their eyes.
2. I am a natural entrepreneur. I have the ability to think up of a viable business from thin air.
3. Relax. I've been too uptight for far too long and focused on the next feat/obstacle/challenge to notice what was in front of me. Competition steals life. Now, I simply take time to notice.I do.
4. Calm. Lying still with a calm mind and heart is now my favorite activity.
5 . I love fiercely and grow attachments quickly.
6. A career in the private sector is not for me. Perhaps not even in the energy sector (finally. I've said it).
7. Patience. French bureaucracy has given me a thorough lesson.
8. Expect nothing.
9. Stay positive. Keep trying. It will get better.
10. I don't have problems. We as humans make molehills into mountains. However, many of us do not have REAL problems.
Thankfully, I am one of these people *first world problems*
Hopefully, in the final stretch of this sejourn, I can reflect more on myself, my abilities and ultimately my furture. But for now. I'm happy to lay still. Feel the sun on my face and wonder wether or not I should go to Sweden to fête.
It's been definitely a quick minute since I've posted something.
It is so easy to get out of the habit of these things ! I don't believe in resolutions but its a new year..so I've decided to yank the chain and I'm ready to go.
So what have I been up to ?
Well . I went to London to go to a party (yes I was that desperate). Turns out I wasn't the only desperate Caribbean national as gals from Germany and New York came to take part in the daily pump :)
London also served as my depot for sending out my PhD applications (obviously I enjoy torture). If the applications were so stressful, I'd hate to imagine the next 4 years if I'm accepted :s
It was good to see my family - my uncle and aunt - who are always hilarious, ever cool, up to the times and I ALWAYS learn something when I go there (ever heard of iPhone-ography? ...u laugh...ish is real. Photography with your iPhone. Real courses which people pay money to do :s )
But! I indulged my aunt and bought her a 360 degree scope for her iPhone so she could take panoramic photos in one go :)
I also went to the island who shall not be named (Malta). More or less I would like to forget this trip ever happened. The only good thing about Malta is ...hey it was cheap. 10euro per night for a basic hotel with breakfast and amazing, never ending hot water supply? Priceless.
Otherwise , in my opinion, the people are weird and RACIST (evidenced by a tourist operator calling me a monkey in the middle of the street after I politely declined his horse and buggy ride) and the country , outside of the tourist areas, looks like a nuclear catastrophe occurred.
Yeah. Not my kind of pump :/
The christmas and new years were spent in Nimes and Bordeaux respectively where I ate and ate and ate like a Ngyumayum (Trinidadians over 25 would know this :D ) .
I've had my full and more of things I've never tasted or done in my life. Foie Gras, oysters, ice skating (just like rollerblading ..who knew lol ), risotto (yum), onion jam (its really really good).
What made it even more amazing is that one of the family members that I hung out with is a chef in Paris !!! (Cue greedy and satisfied grin).
Ah I can only say, I've been detoxing for the past 4 days. Boy do I.miss that chef. My cooking is just downright deplorable sometimes.
So school is back on and the next trip is Luxembourg ! :) I'm excited and not at the same time but, I'm keeping an open mind after Malta.
White people, you guys are ok. But some of you have some SERIOUS issues (besides all the mass murder :s)
That's it for now. As usual. Photos !
