dense dose taxol - the morning after

Well yesterday was an... excursion

My first appt was at 8am and I LEFT the centre after infusion at 5.11pm. A MONSTER session with cold capping started at 11.30am and completed at 5.07pm (I was supposed to be done at 5.10 but I got fed up and said 3 minutes not gonna do anything..disconnect my ass!)

Anyways, angela and I literally flew out of the infusion centre because our experience with AC is that you have a mere 1 hour between when you get unhooked to before the shit hits the fan. So like a well oiled machine,  we got home, I showered, brushed my teeth, swishes with Stella Life, showered, ate, took my 8 hour nausea medicine and then LAY the fack down with my puke bucket next to me.

Did nausea come? Hmm..no

Intense fatigue that hit like a garbage truck despite taking the nausea pill (that happened an AC right thru)? ..absolutely not

Did my stomach hurt? ...hmmm curiously no

I DID sleep and I'm now awake at 5am

I DID have a bit of diarrhoea at midnight 

But more or less, I almost feel..normal..the day after. Who the hell knows what would happen by Sunday.

All I know is..I have this DAMNED UDENYCA BOX ON MY ARM..

I'm slightly anemic going into this first infusion (angela is currently banging around preparing my beets lol)

For this infusion I reward 500ml of hydration as part of my pre-meds. And Fomatadene (prilosec) was administered to protect my GI too. I had to get some other type of nausea medicine (can't rem the name,  Latoya and Manny would know.. I had my TWO faaaaav nurses yay!) And ofc Benadryl that made me woozy but not particularly sleepy lol . But it sure did shut my ass up ..manny and latoya were both like..from the time we know your ass is quiet and not making jokes, we KNOW you feeling it.

I was also prescribed xanax..for the first time in my life...because at my pre appt I was BAWLING 

I'm sick of chemo making me feel sick

I'm sick of walking into a building of HEALING where I'm supposed to walk out feeling better...NOT worse. 

I'm tired of biohacking my body!

And I'm doing alla dis and not knowing if the shit is WORKING!

WHICH IS WHY I FORCE ORDERED AN ULTRA SOUND NEXT WEEK. Check my book and Axilla!

Anyways...above all in all to say

I'm gonna call Kayla my cigna nurse and ask for a therapist

And ddtaxol does not seem to be hitting me too hard apart from my 3 fingers that went suspiciously numb and tingly which I IMMEDIATELY massaged out.

So between the compression gloves and socks, cold therapy, acupuncture and now the Alpha lipoic acid

SOMETHING MUST WORK!

CUZ EVERY SINGLE CELL!

I've been quiet because I'm terrified

Today is the day

Dense dose taxol round 1. Which is essentially a TRIPLE DOSE delivered over 3 hours. Add cold capping to the mix and pre infusions, ill be at the infusion centre for a MONSTERN6 HOURS today..usually I'm there for 4 under AC. But AC tried to mess with my heart. So here we are

I've been trying to keep my mind right for the past 3 days because...omg..for the first time in my life..i have...ANXIETY 

And it's because I'm about to walk into an infusion centre feeling pretty awesome and who knows how ill walk out. I'm so concerned I wrote down the passcode to my phone and banking information for angel to access in the event of..anything 

So here I am laid up in bed, box breathing and trying to get my mind right. TRYING.

I'm about to poison myself with an unknown that causes neuropathy,  hearing loss, extreme bone pain, alongside all the other shit AC gives you including fatigue. Like WTF.

I am all prepped up but according to Angela, might as well they infuse me while I'm in a freezer 

Paxman cap,

Suzzi pads for fingers and hands

Ice packs for when the suzzi pad melts.

All to be worn for 4 hours minimum.

All to prevent hear loss and neuropathy.

I discovered Alpha Lipioc Acid this morningfor neuropathyand tachycardia...and thank god for modern technology, Amazon will prob drop it off before I get home from infusion.

I'm trying my BEST to come out of this as human as I was going in..

Prevident for teeth

Shea, batana, coconut oil for skin

Eye drops

Nasal spray (because of course the nose hair exists the building)

B12 - helps shield my nerve endings in my ears, fingers and toes

And now...Alpha lipoic acid

Prilosec (stomach protection)

Pro and pré biotics (to protect my stomach and teeth)

In addition to my nightly heart medication because of AC...

Every single cell inside my body...is happy and well 

Breathe in

Out.