I must admit. It almost didn't happen because boy do I need these naps!
Michelle (Florida not colorado) and I were chit chatting on the phone. Even she said she wasn't confident that I'd come out...because lawd she is a night owl and wanted to go to Macabi at 10pm
AT NIGHT!!!!
but I got a small second wind and said I'd meet her for an hour or two but I gotta be home and in bed by 10pm..cuz mama is tired and chemo destroys the mitochondrial stores.
Anyways..put on a quick dress some flats and made it down to the Wilder (I need to go back there..its awesome!) And its cute outdoor area. Finally got there (because what is Friday night traffic to downtown) and walked in and I could SEE the visible shock from Michelle
Bear in mind she didn't lay eyes on me since Cheryl's birthday before my first chemo. I've now gone through 3 rounds of one of the harshest regimens and she was like GIRL YOUR HAIR LOOKS THICKER AND LONGER!!
YOUR SKIN LOOKS AMAZING!! WTF!!
Then she said the clincher
"You do NAWT look like what you're going through"
And while there's a sense of relief..there's also an awful truth. There's shame in looking sick. Once we can hide whatever rough patch that we are going through whether it be physical , emotional or mental, there's some measure of still winning - despite literally dying inside. I hope with time we can allow ppl to look sick and know that they are fighting and have the same chances as someone who looks moisturised with thicker and longer hair.
Either way...putting on a good front may not be healthy...but keeping the mind forward focused, result oriented and staying out of the "woah be on to me" bucket is where I need to be...yes..I poison my body on a biweekly basis voluntarily and can hopefully dodge the more serious of tbe long term side effects...but I gotta get my mind right and to LIVE.
Anyways..it was a really nice night out of ki ki-ing and talking shit
And yes..at 10.01pm..I was putting my key in the door. Mama dont play with her rest!!!
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